Overview
In this episode, Marcy welcomes special guest Jordana Wolfson to discuss all things regarding co-parenting and why it is a transformative solution for many families. Jordana is a licensed social worker, certified divorce mediator and coach, as well as founder of Co-Parenting Solutions where she helps families navigate the difficult dynamics of divorce in order to improve communication and the quality of the lives for all involved. Co-parenting is about helping parents work together in a productive, cohesive manner to support their children in a positive way, even though the parents’ relationship may be strained. Tune in for outstanding advice and insight from an expert in the field that has helped make a positive impact on countless families.
Learn More
Co-Parenting Solutions
Learn more about Co-Parenting Solutions with Jordana Wolfson here: https://www.coparentingsolutionsllc.com
Marcy:
Welcome Jordana.
Jordana:
Thank you for having me here.
Marcy:
Thank you. Can you give our listeners an overview of co-parenting? What is it, and why is it so important?
Jordana:
Okay, so co-parenting doesn’t necessarily mean that you are living in two homes.. divorced or separated.. co-parenting has to take place, even in homes where the parents are together and living together. It’s really about the shared priorities, philosophies, values, and implementation of parenting together in a way that is coordinated and seamless so that the children view you as a united front and working together for their best interests, their safety, their needs, and everything that goes along with parenting. But what I specialize in particular is co-parenting for families who are living in two different homes, whether because of divorce or separation. That poses some other significant challenges because you do often have families that have two different cultures in their homes. And there are times when a divorce or separation.. part of the cause of it was actually the different values that each parent has and some philosophical differences with parenting. So it’s sometimes a little bit more challenging than co-parenting together in a home where two people are married. Plus, the motivation level is not the same in a marriage or a relationship where two people are living together. They’re often motivated by preserving their romantic relationships. So that gives a little bit of an extra edge to wanting to work towards co-parenting. When you have gone into two different homes, sometimes that means that you’re no longer motivated to work with the other person. Yet it’s extremely important, and in the case of divorce and separation, it’s very important for children that parents can work amicably and peacefully together and still coordinate together. As a united front, that is how they will grow emotionally healthy, and they will truly benefit from the parenting that they receive.
Marcy:
Can you provide us with an example of how you work with the family and how the results have really improved the situation for the kids?
Jordana:
Sure. So a lot of times I’ll get in families when they’re either at a high crisis level with one another, or they’re just very frustrated. And so sometimes when they’re at a very high crisis level, they may not have even chosen to come in on their own, they might have been court order, or really encouraged highly by their attorneys to come in. In other cases, people will come in voluntarily, but they’ve hit a high frustration level with one another. And oftentimes, it’s around communication. And we talk about communication, as if you know, it’s just speaking and the other person should be receiving what we’re saying and understand everything. But the challenge for most people is about comprehension. It’s really about understanding the other parent’s perspective, and what is important to them to be able to function effectively in the co-parenting relationship.
So, a lot of times, the first thing that I work on with people is often one of the things that makes a huge difference for them, is just setting up a communication plan. So that can sometimes mean that a parent feels that they will send emails or be in touch with the parent, and the other parent won’t respond in a timely manner. And that leads to increase feelings of frustration. And then they get more upset and then the other parent gets upset because they might receive another email, which isn’t as nice, and I can go around and around. So I tried to very simply set up parameters and a plan for a family where we all agree upon certain things. How is the communication going to happen? What is most effective is it an email, is it a text, is it phone calls. In very high conflict situations, it usually just has to be through email. But every family is different in what works for them.
Sometimes people need there to be parameters on just the time of day that things are coming across. Some people say I don’t want to get a text at midnight, about a minor situation, because then I’m unable to sleep for the rest of the night. So it’s setting up some parameters around what are the appropriate times to be in touch with each other. And then the other key element is often about how we write something in an email, how we text something, how we say something on the phone, and how we can effectively communicate without putting the other person down, or attacking them. And it really is a responsibility on both sides because sometimes a parent is not meaning to attack or criticize, but the other parent receives it that way. So often it’s working on those pieces with each of them in terms of how they communicate information and how they perceive information. So I’ve seen a lot of cases where once we set up some parameters and boundaries, there’s a tremendous amount of relief on both sides. And when everybody is sticking to those things, and everybody feels that there are clear boundaries in place with communication times, how we communicate, what we communicate, not calling each other names and putting each other down, things like that. There are many times where families are now able to enter into a new era for them of being able to communicate more effectively.
Check out the episode to hear the rest of my amazing interview with Jordana; she is brilliant and shares so many great insights!
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