Marcy:

Welcome, Yasmine. And thank you for joining us.

Yasmine:

Thank you so much for having me. It’s such a pleasure.

Marcy:

So we know that domestic violence is so often an issue in family law cases. What advice do you have for a parent of minor children who is suffering physical abuse at the hands of their partner?

Yasmine:

Yeah, I mean, that’s a great question. And I think it happens very often in the divorce dynamic when there are no previous disclosures regarding physical abuse and are only brought up at the time intersecting with the divorce being filed. It does shed light on the actual victim of the physical abuse, where it can kind of be turned as to the victim being re-victimized, providing that physical abuse is only being brought up now in order to gain some kind of advantage in the divorce proceeding.

So my advice for anyone suffering physical abuse, you need to make the appropriate police reports, you need to get that into the hands of the prosecution so that they could further it. Oftentimes as well in my career, I’ve seen a lot of times where people have brought domestic violence cases and they haven’t gone through with it. But at least there’s some type of record to show that there has been some kind of interaction with that family that’s been going on, but that’s a scary thing to do. So, I call it the million-dollar question in a situation like this. Obviously, safety’s number one. So in that strategy, so if you are feeling that you are suffering physical abuse at the hands of the partner, and you finally have the courage to do it, and it does happen to coincide with the time of divorce, you should absolutely report it and move forward. But that is kind of a sticking point of when the disclosure is made and when law enforcement is brought in into it.

Marcy:

So what can be done to really help victims follow through? I see so many instances where they make a report. And then essentially time passes, maybe there’s a reconciliation, they back away then from wanting the prosecutor to press charges. But inevitably, the cycle comes back around, and they tend to find themselves in that same position again. What can be done to help somebody in that situation? So that they feel safe getting the help they need? Should they be thinking about going into a shelter somewhere? Should they move to live with a friend? How can somebody navigate that really scary time of making the decision to move on with their life in a safer way?

Yasmine:

Yeah, no, that’s a great question. So it’s the cycle of violence, right? You kind of go through it. There’s the actual physical or emotional abuse and there’s the honeymoon period, and then there’s the reification. And it just kind of cycles over where there’s a hope that’s not going to happen again. But then inevitably, it does happen again. In my years as a prosecutor, when I had cases of domestic violence and I had quite a few of these, I would personally call up the complainant to ask them to come to court to stand up to their funder. And actually in Michigan, there’s a law that allows the parties to stay together and get anger management for the party who is the abuser and helps to try to keep the family together. So it was something that I definitely encourage people to come forward with, but it is scary and they don’t want to come forward with it. And a lot of times after, it’s the call to the police department immediately so somebody can come help them and save them at that moment. But afterwards, they’re not gonna follow through because they’re scared of the ramification. And like, we know in situations of domestic violence, physical abuse, oftentimes families are alienated from their relatives, they’re separated from those people. So there’s not a lot of people to reach out to people in law enforcement and prosecutors are familiar with us. There’s tons of training that’s given to the appropriate people. Oftentimes prosecutor’s office should have in most in our area do have a victim advocacy unit where a victim advocate can be called and spoken to, and that person can give the individual guidance as to shelters if necessary. Just advice on how to manage and, and work through it, when I oftentimes see and saw as a prosecutor is that offenders of this actually back down, people are typically scared of what the reaction is going to be. But because they know law enforcement is involved, it’s probably the best time for the complainant or the victim to move forward in the process and where they’re safe, because there’s a detective on the line that’s always wanting to take that call, hopefully, and there’s a resource out there. So I would say obviously pursue it. Don’t be scared, go through with it. And there’s a way to go through the process without horrible things happening to the person that you’re complaining about.

Marcy:

So what about child protective services? What role do they play in a situation where someone may have minor children? There’s abuse going on in the home, and they’re trying to get away from it, but they keep going back to it. Is that something that child protective services may get involved in? Because essentially, the parent who’s being abused is also exposing the children to that abuse.